Quest for the Key
by Piccolo Inc
Summary: *Chapters 5, 6, & 7 finally up!*We're back!! And with more shameless self insertions!!! What is the Key?! And why is it so important that it be found??
1. Default Chapter

The Quest For the Key

Another slice of quality insanity 

brought to you by the lovely ladies of Piccolo Inc.

It was a relatively quiet day at the headquarters of Piccolo Inc. NaK was relaxing in a beanbag chair, catching up on all the fics she had gotten behind on reading, while across the way Sherri was updating her fics again (thus creating MORE for NaK to catch up on!!). Utena could be seen in the kitchen, singing merrily as she pulled yet another batch of cookies out of the oven. Sabrina was curled up in a corner of the large, cushy sofa, typing away on a laptop. Mia was at a table beneath the wide window, nibbling on the end of a pencil as she stared down at the sketch pad open before her. In the strangely Darkened Corner ™, Piccolo Raper (aka Valeria) was assaulting yet another of her action figures. 

Utena poked her head out of the kitchen. "Hey, has anyone seen Hana today?" she asked the others. 

"Don't think so," NaK replied absently, turning the page of the story she had printed out to read. 

"She said something about a hot date last night right before we all left," Mia contributed, lightly adding a line to her sketch. Piccolo Raper left her Darkened Corner ™ to peek over Mia's shoulder at the sketchpad. 

"That hussy!" Sabrina exclaimed. "I thought we all took an oath to remain faithful to Piccolo." At the sound of The Name, they all grew silent, sighing in delight. One or two of them actually drooled slightly. 

"Say…" Sherri turned away from the computer, looking suspicious. "You don't think…" 

"NAHHHH!!" they all chorused, turning back to their activities. A loud knock then sounded at the front door, making them all jump. 

"I wonder who that could be?" Utena wondered, hurrying from the kitchen to answer the door.

"Yeah," NaK added with a smirk. "No-one WE know bothers to knock." 

"Maybe it's a salesman," Piccolo Raper said with a bloodthirsty grin, playing with her favorite knife. 

Utena reached the door, smiling brightly as she opened it. "Hello, can I help…. you..." Her last word came out in a pinched squeak as she stared in amazement.

"Who is it?" Sabrina said, closing her laptop and looking up. The door swung open wide, banging against the wall so hard that the knob knocked a hole in the wall. A tall broad shouldered figure stood framed in the doorway. Every heart in the room immediately started beating double time. 

"Holy shit, it's PICCOLO!!" Sherri shouted, standing up to get a better look. 

The Namek warrior glared at the roomful of adoring women. "I didn't want to come here," he rumbled, his deep voice bringing forth more sighs of delight. "But I didn't have much of a choice." His glare darkened. "Where's the key?"

"Key?" Mia parroted, managing to get the word out. 

"What key?" Sherri asked, looking at Piccolo thoughtfully. There was something odd about the way he was holding his right arm…

"Hana said the key was here, and one of you," his eyes swept over the women, making them all shudder. "would know where to find it."

"Wait a minute," Utena said, tilting her head to stare up at Piccolo. "Where's Hana anyway? Did you do anything to her?" Concern for her friend had outweighed her normal shyness. 

Piccolo sneered down at the slender girl, one fangtip barely visible. Sabrina and Piccolo Raper both licked their lips at the sight. "Like what??" he asked. "I wouldn't hurt any of my authors." He let out a gusty sigh and glared at someone beside him. "I told you this was a dumb idea. Why couldn't you have just called on the phone?"

"It was busy," came the defensive answer from behind the wall. Another woman stepped into view, wiggling her fingers at the astonished group. "Hi, guys."

"Hana!!" Mia and Utena cried, starting to rush to their friend, but hesitating at the severely pissed look on Piccolo's face. 

"You've been holding out on us," NaK accused, giving Hana a disappointed look. 

"Not really," Hana replied with a shrug. "I only got him yesterday." 

"Can we get back to the problem?" Piccolo asked irritably.

"It would probably help if we knew what the problem was," Sherri said reasonably, turning her chair to face the door. 

Piccolo glared at Hana, who blushed, hanging her head. The repentant look was ruined, however by the small, slightly smug grin pulling at her lips. He pulled his right arm into clear view, dragging Hana along. A gleaming silver ring was clamped firmly around his right wrist. A short length of chain joined it to a matching ring on Hana's left wrist. They all stared in amazement, then Sabrina snickered. The room was filled with howls of laughter as they all rolled at the sight before them. 

"Those aren't the kiddie cuffs with the safety release on them, are they?" Piccolo Raper asked, tears of mirth running down her face.

"Of course not," Hana said, looking insulted by the idea. "These are the re-enforced, extra durable, unbreakable handcuffs that Sabrina stocks in the Toy Room." She pointed to the door across the room, clearly marked "Toy Room". The others looked suitably impressed. 

"Did you forget to take the keys?" Sabrina asked, unable to quit grinning. 

"No, I remembered them," Hana said, getting slightly annoyed. "I've just… misplaced them somewhere. That's all!" She glared at her friends, who were all snickering again. "I'm not totally brainless."

"No, not totally," Piccolo muttered. Hana shot him a disgusted look and kicked his shin. He retaliated by yanking the long ponytail atop her head.

"Ouch!" she yelped, rubbing her head. "No fair, pulling hair. Just because you don't have any…" Piccolo smirked at her, his expression speaking volumes. "Kisama…"

"Baka onna," he shot back. "Don't think I don't understand Japanese. It's my second language."

"Point," Hana muttered, giving him a wry grin. He started to fold his arms across his chest, and paused when he pulled her arm up as well. 

"When you've finished squabbling?" Sherri asked, looking bored by their verbal sparring. "So, you've **misplaced** the keys, huh?" They nodded. "So we'll need to find them." Nods again. 

NaK jumped up and struck a dramatic pose. "A quest!" she declared. "A quest, comrades!!" Everyone else facefaulted. "What??"

"Look," Piccolo growled, staring at each of them in turn. "Let's just find the damn keys, okay?"

**__**

Insert cheesy FUNi DBZ style voice over narration

What will happen next? Will the Quest for the Key begin? Will Piccolo and Hana ever get separated? More importantly, does Hana even **want** to get uncuffed? ^_~ Tune in for the next action packed episode, dear readers!!


	2. The Quest Begins!

The Quest For The Key  
Another slice of quality insanity brought to you by the lovely ladies of Piccolo Inc.   
  
  
Episode II - The Quest Begins!  
Written by namek kaia  
  
  
  
Voice of Narrator:  
On the previous episode of Quest For The Key, all our divine women of Piccolo Inc. were inside headquarters doing what they do best. All the girls... save one.   
  
~  
Utena poked her head out of the kitchen. "Hey, has anyone seen Hana today?" she asked the others.  
"Say..." Sherri turned away from the computer, looking suspicious. "You don't think..."   
"NAHHHH!!" they all chorused, turning back to their activities. A loud knock then sounded at the front door, making them all jump.   
"Holy shit, it's PICCOLO!!" Sherri shouted, standing up to get a better look.  
~  
  
Yes, indeed it was Piccolo. However, this visit was no ordinary occurrence. The girls were about to happen upon some rather shocking, yet hilarious news.  
  
~  
"Hana said the key was here, and one of you," his eyes swept over the women, making them all shudder, "would know where to find it."  
Another woman stepped into view, wiggling her fingers at the astonished group. "Hi guys," Hana greeted.  
"Can we get back to the problem?" Piccolo asked irritably.   
He pulled his right arm into clear view, dragging Hana along. A gleaming silver ring was clamped firmly around his right wrist. A short length of chain joined it to a matching ring on Hana's left wrist. "These are the re-enforced, extra durable, unbreakable handcuffs that Sabrina stocks in the Toy Room," Hana explained.  
"Did you forget to take the keys?" Sabrina asked, unable to quit grinning.  
"No, I remembered them," Hana said, getting slightly annoyed. "I've just... misplaced them somewhere. That's all!"  
NaK jumped up and struck a dramatic pose. "A quest!" she declared. "A quest, comrades!!" Everyone else face faulted. "What??"  
"Look," Piccolo growled, staring at each of them in turn. "Let's just find the damn keys, okay?"  
~  
  
Will the girls find the key? Will Piccolo ever get out of this humiliating situation? And what of the quest? Will it go on? Or is it just another one of NaK's crazy ideas? Find out on today's episode of Quest For The Key!!  
  
* Insert theme music and clips from the show for thirty seconds *  
  
  
Warning: This episode of Quest For The Key may contain slight sexual humor and/or suggestive dialogue. Immature audiences only.   
  
  
"Will you please just hurry and find those STUPID keys so that I can get out of these things and we may all go on about our businesses?" Piccolo shouted, but not harshly, at the girls. The look of constantly building annoyance was portrayed in the deep curves of his gorgeous green face. Each girl stood staring at him, not really acknowledging the question, nor really hearing it at all.  
  
"Ah yes," NaK spoke as she was starting to come back to reality. "The Quest!! I declare a contest," she added, smiling wildly, but hesitated in the revealing of her declaration.  
  
"Well... what is it!!! I haven't got all day you know!" he asked casting a sideways glare toward Hana, their wrists still chained (although quite contently in Hana's case) by the unbreakable handcuffs. Hana merely smiled back in response, not fully caring how uncomfortable he was in the predicament.  
  
"I say that whosoever finds the keys to the handcuffs and frees Piccolo will get a whole day with 'His Gorgeousness'!!" she squealed in excitement, clapping her hands together and jumping up and down. Everyone else, including Piccolo, face faulted.   
  
"You know I'm not going to agree to such terms!!" he nearly shouted as he recovered, dragging Hana by the arm as he rose.   
  
"Oh yes you will," NaK uttered in her sly voice.   
  
"That is..." Sherri added, knowing what NaK was thinking, "if you wanna get out of those handcuffs," she finished, crossing her arms and adding a smirk to her face.   
  
Piccolo clenched his fist tightly; sweat starting to mist his face. "FINE! I won't need your help. I'll find the damn keys myself," he yelled and stalked off, dragging an amused Hana along with him.  
  
"Alright," Mia added in a mock agreement. She sat back down and called most of her attention back to her sketchpad. "But you're never going to find those keys without our help."  
  
Piccolo halted in his stride and remained still for a few moments. He knew she was right. In this place, it would take forever to find the keys. And the sooner he could get out of this situation, the better. "Alright, fine. I agree. But you will only get one hour."  
  
"Twenty four!!" NaK argued.  
  
"Three"  
  
"Eighteen"  
  
"Six"  
  
"Twelve," they debated one after the other.  
  
"Deal," he finally agreed, but not letting his grunt of disapproval go unnoticed. "BUT," he interrupted them from their mad dashes to the toy room, the most obvious place for the keys. "If I find the keys, the deal's off. Got it?" Everyone knew he was dead serious and that there was no way of negotiating his decision. They all nodded in response.   
  
"Well, I don't know about you losers, but I'm gonna find those keys first!!" Piccolo Raper announced and led the rest of the race to the Toy Room. Everyone arrived at the small door at the same time and tried to cram their selves in, attempting to be the first to the keys. Utena, using her small size to her advantage, managed to squeeze past the jam and caused everyone else to go stumbling forward into the floor. Utena clamped a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle the laughter at the site of her friends trying to regain their statures, and not to mention Piccolo's annoyed expression that so easily graced his face.  
  
"Utena!!" Hana called, still struggling to make her way to her feet.   
  
"Sorry," she replied, laughing nervously as a sweat drop made its appearance.   
  
The search for the key had begun. Piccolo, along with Hana and Sherri, searched through the many boxes on the shelves of the far wall. Inside were handcuffs and keys, old and new. As she placed another box back in its place on the shelf, Sherri noticed that a set of keys had been dropped on the floor. Why she hadn't noticed them before didn't bother to cross her mind. She quickly scooped them up and held them over her head. "I think I found them!" she cried happily.  
  
Sherri rushed over to Piccolo, almost knocking him over in the process. She placed her keys in the lock of the handcuffs and turned... only to find that nothing happened. They weren't the right keys. With a sad and disappointed face, Sherri continued her search.   
  
Hana and Piccolo searched through more boxes of handcuffs, only finding several sets of keys that were obviously not the ones they were looking for.   
  
Meanwhile, Mia and Utena rummaged through the huge toy box where things were often thrown to be gotten out of the way or in case of a quickly needed hiding place. There was only a slight chance that they would find the keys there, but no one was leaving the Toy Room until every inch was searched.   
  
Sabrina, NaK, and Piccolo Raper searched through a large bureau with various drawers. In these drawers were whips, outfits/uniforms, and other kinky items that were sometimes needed. Piccolo Raper became distracted with all the toys she had forgotten about. Sabrina was throwing the contents of one drawer in all directions. When she finally reached the bottom of one, she would close it, open the next, and do the same. NaK was pulling the drawers completely out of the bureau, turning them upside down and scrambling through the contents on the floor.   
  
At the bottom of one pile that NaK scattered around was none other than a pair of leopard-print thongs. She picked them up by the band and studied them with squinted eyes.   
  
"Alright, who's been stealing my underwear!?!?!?" she called, standing and holding up the garment in question. "I've been looking for these for weeks and I wanna know who's the perv that stole them," she continued, eyeing everyone suspiciously.   
  
Everything was silent for several moments. Piccolo began to blush furiously. After the initial embarrassment passed over the others, they all burst out laughing at once.   
  
"Um... NaK. You put those there yourself, remember?" Sabrina explained after catching her breath from her laughter.  
  
"Oh yeah! Now I remember!!" NaK exclaimed and stuffed the panties in her pocket, going on with her business as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.   
  
Despite everyone's hard efforts, nothing was found.   
  
"Well, Hana are you sure you don't have an idea of where you left the keys?" Sherri asked.  
  
"If I knew where the keys were, then we'd already be out of this mess," she replied.  
  
"Sure you would," Sabrina commented and winked at Hana.  
  
As everyone exited the room, they decided that splitting up and finding the key that way would be better. Every person went into a different wing of headquarters in hopes of finding the place where Hana left the key. NaK noticed that Hana was leading Piccolo in the direction of her quarters and quickly ran after them.  
  
"Wait up you guys!" she called after them. "Mind if I come along? Three heads are better than two you know."  
  
"That's okay. You don't have to," Hana replied somewhat agitated.   
  
"Oh, but I insist," NaK assured, knowingly imposing herself. Hana didn't really like it, but knew that there was no stopping her. Piccolo was somewhat relieved now that he didn't have to be alone with Hana. But her along with NaK could prove to be an even worse situation.   
  
As they all entered Hana's room, Piccolo and Hana moved toward the nightstand beside the bed, preparing to look through the drawers. But NaK interrupted them once again, asking the question that had been rolling around in her mind for hours.  
  
"So... what did you two do exactly?" she asked without even the slightest hint of nervousness or hesitation.  
  
"That's none of your business!!" Piccolo quickly responded.   
  
"Well I was just asking! Excuuuse me," NaK mocked.  
  
While Piccolo and NaK were arguing over what was whose business, Hana noticed something out of the corner of her eye. It was a set of keys! They were "hiding" behind a picture of Piccolo Inc. that someone had taken at a party, which she kept on the nightstand. Not knowing if they were actually the keys they were looking for, and quickly deciding that she had no time to argue with herself, she swiftly scooped them up and dropped them in her pocket, her actions going unnoticed by the arguing pair.   
  
But when Hana brought her attention back to the argument between Piccolo and NaK, things had gone from bad to worse... at least in Hana's opinion. NaK was slyly inching her way over to Piccolo, a smirk spreading across her lips. "So what do you say? I get next, right?" she asked and attempted to slink her arm around his waist, only to be smacked away by Hana. Piccolo could only stand with an awful look of dread on his face.  
  
"Back off! He's mine, and he'll stay that way until we're out of these handcuffs, got it?" she hissed.  
  
"I am no one's to claim! I'm not some 'thing' you just play around with!" Piccolo shouted at both the girls.  
  
"SHUT UP!!" they cried in unison and returned to their dispute.   
  
"You've had him all to yourself for long enough. It's someone else's turn, wouldn't you say?" said NaK.  
  
"No! And even if it WAS your turn, you couldn't very well have it while we're still handcuffed together like this now can you?" Hana retorted.   
  
"I'll take my turn when I say it's my turn!" NaK yelled.  
  
"You will not!"  
  
"I will too!"  
  
They argued for a few more moments before NaK suddenly tackled Hana, bringing her to the floor... and Piccolo along with her. Somehow, Piccolo ended up at the bottom of the pile with the two girls pushing and shoving above him. He tried to throw them off without harming them, but it was useless. Nevertheless, he continued to try and get himself out of the current situation.  
  
Just as he was thought he was about to have to knock one of them unconscious, thinking it was his only alternative, the door to Hana's room suddenly swung open. The remaining five girls stood in shock at the scene before them.  
  
"HANA!!! NAK!!!" they all called in unison, causing the shovefest to come to a halt. NaK now had Hana pinned down on Piccolo's left side, her arm somewhat twisted from the position.   
  
"Um... hi guys," they replied with sweatdrops of embarrassment forming.  
  
  
  
  
Voice of Narrator:  
And so... the quest has begun. Who will receive the prize of a whole twelve hours with Piccolo? Will anyone ever find the keys? And what of the keys that Hana has managed to sneak into her pocket? Are those even the right keys? What other crazy antics will the ladies of Piccolo Inc. encounter before it all ends? Find out the answer to these questions and more on the next episode of Quest For The Key!  
  
* Ending theme and clips * 


	3. How Did All of This Crap Get Here?!

1 Quest For the Key  
  
Part 3  
  
Chapter Author: Aino Utena ^.~  
  
  
  
(Back again? Wow. I'm surprised! Anyways, where did we leave off? Oh yes. Everyone had split up in search for the sacred handcuff keys, Hana and Nak got in a little cat fight, and everyone went on searching. What will happen now? Read and find out. If you dare. *Insert ominous cackling and a dramatic flash of lightning*) (Oh yeah. I prefer the Pikoro spelling over Piccolo, so the only time you'll see the Piccolo spelling is when I refer to Piccolo Inc.()  
  
  
  
It had taken a while for all who were present at Piccolo Inc.( to calm them selves, especially after seeing such a cat fight. After the calm….er…sort of calm composures had been regained by our lovely ladies and our equally hot Namekseijin the search recommenced. The group split up to cover more ground, not unlike the characters of Scooby Doo. Piccolo Raper, Sherri, Sabrina, and Nak headed up to the attic in hopes of finding the object in question, while Mia, Utena, Hana, and an unwilling Pikoro headed to the large, mysterious catacombs. They could all only hope that the keys would be found. Pikoro's hopes held precious freedom, while the others were hopes of a date. ^^  
  
"Tell me again why it is that we didn't get to be in Pikoro's group?" Nak's facial expression could only be described as agitated while she, Sabrina, Piccolo Raper, and Sherri trudged up the long staircase that led to the attic.  
  
"There are a few good reasons. Pikoro didn't want to be sexually attacked by Raper, so he picked Utena because she's too shy to get hug happy. Mia refused to be away from Utena because she has a bag of cookies for her search party, so that knocked me off the list. You and Hana got in that little 'dispute' and we all know that Pikoro *momentary drool* doesn't liked to be jerked around. And, since that group already had four people even, Sabrina was put with us. So here we are." Nak silently sighed, knowing that Sherri was very much right while Raper simply fumed in silence due to the lack of *ahem* action.  
  
"Damn process of elimination…." Sabrina muttered in icy tones.  
  
The atmosphere around them seemed to be getting a little bit hotter, which could only mean that they were nearing the entrance to the attic. Sure enough, only another minute later, they reached the very top of the stairwell and the door that led inside of the attic. Sherri stepped forward, placing her hand on the doorknob, though she did not turn it. She turned towards her three companions, readying her unlit flashlight.  
  
"How long has it been since we've searched this attic, anyway?"  
  
"It's been so long that I can't even remember. We probably haven't searched it since we started Piccolo Inc.( God only knows what's in there. Spiders, killer dust bunnies, ghosts, old school pictures, and old sketches from hell! Damn! And us missing a Great Dane and a few hippies."  
  
Raper and Sherri eyed her as Sabrina chuckled lightly after Nak had concluded her harried rambling. Nak allowed herself an embarrassed chuckle as the pair of eyes stared at her.  
  
"Are you done now?" Raper asked, one eyebrow raised as she folded her arms casually behind her head.  
  
"Uhm…yeah...I'm done."  
  
"All right. Let's find some keys. I just hope you guys know. We're working together now, but as soon as those keys are spotted it's every woman for herself."  
  
"That's fine with us, Raper." The four exchanged devious grins of understanding.  
  
The four armed their flashlights as Sherri slowly turned the doorknob. (Please insert overly dramatic background music here.) The door swung open with a loud creak, revealing the dark attic and it's musty smell. Raper, Sabrina, and Sherri slowly entered, pointing their flashlights in all directions of the large room. Nak entered a few steps behind them, searching the wall for a light switch. Boxes were piled high on all sides of them, covered in gray dust that had accumulated over the years, months, weeks, and days that had past since the last time anyone had been here last.  
  
"God, it's dark in here," Sherri muttered as she lifted a sheet off of some obligatory box, reading the label for it. "Hana's old books. It's a good thing that she and Utena took enough time to label half of this junk."  
  
"Yeah, I guess. Then of coarse you've got to remember that they keys could be in any of these boxes; labeled or not." Raper pulled a small dagger out of her pocket, stabbing a large spider that was crawling across the top of the box she was examining.  
  
"All right. I've got it," rang out Nak's voice.  
  
There was the sound of a loud click just before the room was filled with light. Sabrina and Raper grinned in relief, clicking off their flashlights as Nak joined them amongst the numerous mountains of boxes. They had to pry Raper away from her spider mashing. Each woman grabbed a box and tore it open, scrambling through the contents in silence. The quiet was suddenly disrupted by a joyful squeal from Sherri.  
  
"What is it?" Nak asked quickly, turning in Sherri's direction.  
  
"Did you find the keys?" Raper questioned, looking as if she was ready to pounce at any moment.  
  
"Well, did you?" Sabrina popped her knuckles just in case she needed her fists any time soon.  
  
Sherri's body shook with continuous giggles as she sat hunched over an open box, her back facing her comrades. She turned towards them, hugging a small blanket to her chest. It was light blue and was covered with several SD Pikoros.  
  
"It's my old Pikoro security blanket!! I haven't seen it in ages!" Her face was one of much delight. "Here. I found some boxes with you're names written on them." She pushed two boxes forward and then resumed her blanket cuddling.  
  
Nak and Raper each tore open their boxes, wondering what kind of things they would find. Nak squealed very much like Sherri as she pulled a small Pikoro plushie out of the box, hugging it to her chest.  
  
"My old Pikoro Bath Time Fun doll!! I thought I lost it!" She rocked it back and forth in her arms like a mother would do to her newborn.  
  
Raper grinned widely as she examined several sharp, dangerous objects such as daggers and knifes. Her eyes widened and she shouted gleefully as she pulled an item out of her own box.  
  
"Holy flying crap! It's my Stab the Sailor Slut Doll!!" She held up an old, dirty doll of Sailor Moon that had several sewing needles protruding from it. " Why did I ever put this away? Hours and hours of fun…" She began stabbing it menacingly with her dagger.  
  
Sabrina, not wanting to be left out in all the fun, tore open a box with her name on it and grinned widely as she pulled out her My Life Size Pikoro Dress-up Doll. She swooned happily and hugged it.  
  
The four continued to root through their old belongings, taking a joyous (if not demented) trip down 'Memory Lane.' The keys could wait…. for now…  
  
  
  
* * * * *  
  
  
  
"God, this place is creepy."  
  
"Don't be such a baby."  
  
Hana and Pikoro exchanged glares towards one another as the two of them, accompanied by Mia and Utena, trekked down a long, dark passage. The sound of their footsteps echoed off of the cave-like walls around them. Somewhere they could hear the sounds of water dripping and bats fluttering. Pikoro seamed relatively unaffected by the dreary, bleak atmosphere. The three young women with him, however, we not so lucky.  
  
" I don't want to be here! It's scary!!" Mia whimpered lightly and grabbed on to Utena's arm in fear.  
  
"There, there, Mia-chan," Utena murmured as she soothingly patted the girl's head.  
  
"I don't understand why we have to look down here. When was the last time you were even down here?" Mia asked Hana, her face set in a light pout.  
  
"I don't even remember." Hana muttered, twitching her wrist as it kept being lightly yanked by Pikoro's. "Damn….we need some Scooby Snacks…" she muttered under her breath.  
  
"Even if that is true, it would probably be best if we searched every where, Hana-san. Otherwise, we may never find the keys."  
  
"I guess you have a point, Utena. I don't like it, though," Mia said as her eyes traveled across the sea of darkness.  
  
The group fell in to silence, praying that they could escape the darkness soon. The sound of bats screeching resounded overhead, causing the three young women to squeal lightly. Pikoro growled in frustration as they each latched on to him. Hana had grabbed the arm that was connected by the handcuffs, Utena had grabbed the opposite one, and Mia had latched on to the back of his billowing cape.  
  
"Gah! Will you three get….OW!!! SHIT!!!" Pikoro stumbled loudly after everyone had heard the sound of a loud crunch.  
  
"Pikoro-san! Are you all right?" Utena knelt down beside him and Mia did the same as Hana clutched at her pained, yanked wrist.  
  
"Yeah. I'm all right. I just stepped on something and it ripped through my boot. What the hell was it?"  
  
Everyone turned around, seeing a pile of something in the darkness. Mia pointed her flashlight at it and everyone's eyes widened considerably. Laying before them in a desecrated clump was what appeared to be a human skeleton. Mia, Hana, and Utena screamed, (Hana more or less cursing loudly in surprise) obviously freaked out, and they all hugged Pikoro's front. The Namekseijin held himself steady as Mia grabbed his neck, Utena grabbed his waist, and Hana grabbed his side. (Poor Pikoro-san. *blush*)  
  
"How the hell did that get down here?!" Hana said in a loud, shaken tone.  
  
"I don't know," Pikoro murmured in a tone that almost sounded like he was trying to sooth them. (Thus hoping that they would calm down and let him go, giving him the chance to breath.)  
  
"I have a bad feeling about this place. Something doesn't feel right," Utena said, holding Pikoro more tightly.  
  
"Can we please get out of here?" Mia asked hopefully.  
  
"That's probably a good idea. You three will have to let me go first."  
  
"Oh!" They said in unison and then released him.  
  
Hana grinned lightly, Mia looked a little disappointed, and Utena blushed in embarrassment. Pikoro's expression changed suddenly. He was looking at the path ahead with confused eyes. The three ladies of Piccolo Inc( turned around to see what he was looking at and they each mirrored his expression. Standing before them was a tall, dark figure, cloaked completely in black.  
  
"Who…. who are you?" Mia asked, blinking twice.  
  
"Do you really wanna know?" The figure asked in a voice that sounded like Daffy Duck if he were a cigarette addict.  
  
"We don't have time for any crap! What do you want and who are you?!" Pikoro asked with a growl that cause a momentary swoon amongst the three ladies.  
  
"I am the evil spirit of stupidity that haunts the catacombs of the Piccolo Inc( building above."  
  
"Spirit of stupidity? There's a threat…" Hana muttered with all sarcasm in her voice.  
  
"Silence! Prepare to see something so horrible that not even the best horror novelists could imagine!" He made a few funny motions with his hands (not unlike something a Power Ranger would do) and an eerie glow surrounded him.  
  
The group of 'key-searchers' looked on silently as a figure formed a few feet before them. After a few moments it began to take a more distinct form. True to the figure's word, there stood something more horrible than any sight any of them had ever seen. Yajirobe stood before them, wearing a tight, pink (dare I say revealing) tutu. His face was covered in make-up and his body was surrounded by and unearthly stench. He batted his long eyelashes at them and gave them a smile that only he himself would describe as cute. He smiled at the four of them, one finger pressed against his cheek in a Sasami-like way.  
  
"I love you," he said in a girlish voice. That was all they needed to set them off.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Utena and Hana each grabbed one of Pikoro's arms while Mia jumped on to his back. The Namekseijin took off at lightning fast speed, leaving the figure in black far behind. They could hear his wheezing cackle over their own screams, obscene curse, and shouts.  
  
* * * * *  
  
  
  
Pikoro slumped on to the nearest couch along with Hana, Mia, and Utena. They all dispelled deep, relieved gasps. It felt like they had been down in the catacombs for hours.  
  
"What the hell was that?" Pikoro asked between gasps for air, his brow drenched in sweat.  
  
"I have no clue, but I'm never going in to those catacombs again," Mia said, hugging the nearest pillow.  
  
"You and me both, Kid," Hana said agreeing with her fully on the matter.  
  
"I'd hate to say it, but we may have to. There has to be a reason for that thing or person to be down there. The keys may be down there and he or it might be guarding them," Utena whispered, resting her chin on her folded hands.  
  
"She might be right," Pikoro agreed, gaining a blush from Utena. "In any case, we had better wait a while until we decide to go back down there."  
  
Everyone agreed with nod. Utena stood up, stretching lightly as she headed in to the kitchen.  
  
"I'm going to make everyone some food and prepare some tea, as well as some cold water for you, Pikoro-san."  
  
"Thanks," Hana said in a tired tone. Mia and Pikoro simply nodded in agreement.  
  
"I guess we can't do anything until Raper, Sherri, Nak, and Sabrina get back from their search. I wonder if they found anything…." Mia wondered out loud.  
  
Meanwhile, in the attic…  
  
  
  
"Woah!!! It's my old Pikoro cape!!"  
  
"Oh!!! Let me see!!!"  
  
"Back off!!!"  
  
"Give it to me!!!!"  
  
"Over my cold, dead body!!!"  
  
"That can be arranged!!"  
  
"MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
  
End of Part 3  
  
What will happen next time we meet the characters of Quest for the Key? Will the keys be found? Will Pikoro-san go insane? Who was that figure in the catacombs? And will anyone develop enough common sense to realize that Pikoro-san could just rip his arm off and regenerate a new one?  
  
Pikoro: Good idea.  
  
Hana, Sabrina, Nak, Raper, Mia, Sherri: NO!!!!!!!!!! *Tackles Pikoro to the ground*  
  
Utena: Uhm…. oops… 


	4. Charlies Angels got nothin on us!

Quest for the Key  
  
Chapter four  
  
Chapter author: Sabrina aka piccolosfire  
  
  
  
Cheesy funi dub announcer:  
  
Last time on quest our intrepid group of authoress' split up into two groups in an attempt to cover more ground. Sherri, Nak, Piccolo Raper and Sabrina trekked upstairs into the attic while Piccolo, Hana, Utena and Mia boldly searched the catacombs below.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
Sherri, NaK, Piccolo Raper and Sabrina came bounding down the stairs, giggling and carrying on like a group of school girls.  
  
"I'm sooo happy I found my plushie! I can't wait to take a bath tonight!" NaK exclaimed as she tromped ahead of the rest.  
  
Sherri followed a close second - her Piccolo blanket draped over her shoulders while Sabrina and P.R. brought up the rear, Sabrina dragging her life sized Piccolo dress up doll behind her and P.R. poking pins in her sailor moon voodoo doll.  
  
Sherri nudged NaK and whispered to the other two..."Whoa you guys! Check out the rest of the Scooby team....they look like they've seen a ghost!"  
  
"Gah! They're probably just upset that they didn't find the key....bunch o' crybabies." P.R. noted with a look of disgust.  
  
"Crybabies?? Why you little....." Hana jumped up but was immediately pulled back down by Piccolo who gave her a warning glare.  
  
"Don't you dare start another fight Hana....I'm in no mood."  
  
"Hmph. Well for you information, we did happen to find a ghost." Mia stated simply.  
  
Utena nodded gravely, "Yes....it was horrible! I'm not so sure it was a ghost though but whatever it was, it was hideous!"  
  
"Heh. Just what sort of fumes were you four chuckle heads breathing down there?" Sabrina said with a sly grin.  
  
"Look you old fossil...." Hana shot back up and was once again pulled down by Piccolo.  
  
"Fossil?? Why you!"  
  
NaK and Sherri held onto Sabrina while Piccolo kept a firm grip on Hana. P.R. was back in her strangely darkened corner goading them both into a fight while Utena and Mia ran to the kitchen, hoping cookies would calm the angry women. Things began to escalate when suddenly there was a knock at the door...  
  
"Who the hell could that be?"  
  
"Well NaK - why don't you answer the door and find out." Sherri said while rolling her eyes.  
  
"Yes mother..." NaK muttered under her breath.  
  
"Hi, can I help.....oh shit."  
  
NaK opened the door and was greeted with the sight of two angry ladies, Desert Dweller and Demon Lover.  
  
"Uhh...hi guys. Back so soon from your vacations?"  
  
"Oh don't play dumb with us NaK! We've read the first three chapters...and we want in!" Demon Lover pushed her way past NaK and barged into the house. "So where is....OH MY GOD! IT'S REALLY HIM!!"  
  
Her anger quickly forgotten, D.L. lunged at Piccolo and clamped onto his shoulders squealing with delight. Desert Dweller rushed past NaK and immediately got giant anime type hearts in her eyes when she spotted him and glomped our "friendly" namek in much the same fashion.  
  
"I can't believe it! I'm actually touching his cape!"  
  
"Hee hee....I'd like to touch more than that!"  
  
D.L. and Desert Dweller began pushing each other out of the way, trying to get a better hold on their newly discovered prize. Everyone else stared at the two, their mouths hanging open.  
  
Sherri looked at NaK,  
  
NaK looked at Sabrina,  
  
Sabrina looked at Hana,  
  
Hana looked at Mia,  
  
Mia looked at Utena  
  
Utena looked at P.R,  
  
and P.R. looked back to Sherri.  
  
Sherri shrugged and rolled her eyes, "Well I guess we've got to let them in on it...they are members of the group..."  
  
"Damn straight we're in on it! Hell...we've paid our ff.net union dues! Isn't that right D.L.?"  
  
"Right! We are card carrying members of Piccolo Inc. - and we want to search for the key!"  
  
Realizing they're chances have just decreased, the rest of the group resigned themselves to the fact that D.L. and Desert Dweller were now part of the search party.  
  
*Sigh* "All right....sitting around here bickering wont get us very far. Hana, why don't you tell us what happened down in the catacombs." Sabrina said as everyone else grabbed a seat and waited for Hana to begin her tale.  
  
Hana related to the rest of the group what they had discovered down in the catacombs. She told them of the mysterious cloaked figure calling itself the spirit of stupidity, and that it had materialized a hideous beast which looked just like Yajirobie in a pink tutu.  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh puleeze! You four can't be serious?" Desert Dweller clutched her sides, while tears of laughter coursed down her cheeks.  
  
Piccolo grumbled and shot her and the others a warning glare, instantly putting a stop to the taunting.  
  
"I know what I saw...and whatever it was, it wasn't human." Utena chipped in.  
  
Everyone grew silent for several moments, each one lost in thought. P.R. emerged from her strangely darkened corner and broke the silence.  
  
"It seems pretty obvious that this so called spirit is hiding something. I say we go down there and find out what it is."  
  
"Good idea P.R. - but this creature may be dangerous. We are going to have to prepare...TO THE BAT CAVE!" *ahem* "I mean....let's suit up ladies!" Mia lead the way to the armory room which, oddly enough, had materialized right next to the toy room.  
  
Everyone eagerly followed her in, while Hana and an unwilling Piccolo brought up the rear. Once inside the room, the group looked around and stared open mouthed at what lay before them.  
  
"Holy shit! Where did all this come from?" D.L. exclaimed as she let out a low whistle.  
  
"We needed it for the story..." Sabrina shrugged.  
  
Lining the walls of the room as an impressive array of guns, knives and beautiful katanas (for Hana), along with a massive supply of ammo. Hanging neatly on pink silk covered hangers were nine skin tight black leather uniforms.  
  
"Oh hell yeah!! Just like Charlie's Angels!!" NaK ran to the uniforms and pulled one off the hanger.  
  
P.R. ran to the wall 'o knives and began drooling while she fondled the blades. Everyone else stood where they were....ogling the guns.  
  
"Well come on you guys....let's get ready." Sabrina headed for the suits and grabbed one off the hanger. "Uhh...Hana....do you think Piccolo could, you know, cover his eyes or something while we all change?"  
  
"Sure...but how am I supposed to change? I wanna wear a Angels uniform!!" Hana pouted.  
  
"Sorry chicka....guess your stuck with your street clothes."  
  
Hana grabbed a katana and drug Piccolo out of the room, noting the slight look of disappointment on his face as they left. "We'll be waiting...hurry it up."  
  
Several minutes passed while Hana and Piccolo waited out in the living room, listening to the giggles and squeals of delight coming from the armory room. Hana glared at the door and tapped her fingers impatiently on the arm of the couch while Piccolo looked longingly toward the door.  
  
Just when she thought her patience had completely run out Hana could hear the door creak open. Standing up and dragging Piccolo behind her, she hurried to the door as the rest of the crew came striding out.  
  
*cheesy action movie music starts*  
  
Eight women stood before them, a gust of wind coming out of nowhere - blowing their hair back....making it look like they were shooting a shampoo commercial. All were dressed in tight leather uniforms, black high heeled boots with enormous amounts of weapons strapped around their waists. P.R. strode to the head of the group, took out a knife and licked the blade wickedly.  
  
"All right.....let's rock and roll!"  
  
  
  
Announcer: And so the ladies of Piccolo Inc. set off for the catacombs in search for the key, their numbers increased by two. Ready and willing to take down any spirits or fat men in pink tutu's that may get in their way. What will happen? Find out next time on QUEST FOR THE KEY! 


	5. Singin' and Cursin'

"Wha…what the HFIL is going on?" Hana barked angrily! He's chained to me you hooligans!"  
  
PR saunters forward toward Hana and Piccolo wielding a mighty hiss, baring metal false fangs as sharp as Piccolo's. Sherri follows close behind her, who is in front of Demon Lover, NaK, and Sabrina. I, Mia (waves to everyone ever so cutely!) takes up the rear.  
  
Piccolo swallows hard and clears his throat, trying to keep his mind clean of naughty thoughts.  
  
"Uh…all this to go to the catacombs?" He murmured, averting his gaze.  
  
All the girls turn to him with a wry smile.  
  
"Yes." They all chant in unison.  
  
Demon Lover bit in her lower lip with an amused look on her face, checking herself out in a handy full length mirror. "Damn I'm sexy!"  
  
Hana just rolled her eyes. "You won't be comfortable wearing that down in the catacombs…"  
  
"Wanna bet!" Nak scowled, wielding a whip and snapping it. "You're just jealous cuz you don't have one!"  
  
"I AM NOT YOU…"  
  
Raper interceaded, prancing around in her short tight black leather skirt chanting, "DIE sailor sluts!", and poking her new dagger into the now headless doll.  
  
Everyone just watches as she passes by, sweatdropping.  
  
"Err…I'm on her good side right?" Piccolo  
  
Hana is still growling…  
  
The music to independent women starts to play and the girls line up and start to wag their bottoms to the music as their hips buck sexily to the beet…  
  
Hana growls and starts…  
  
Hana: Question! Tell me what you think about me, I got Pic'lo-san chained to me. I know you're all jealous and feelin' horney, but when it's over I'll have the key!  
  
Before a beat could be lost Piccolo Raper punches the mirror she was admiring herself in and shakes her bloody fist at Hana and embraced the pain of the cuts, not singing, but more like grunge rapping… -_-;;  
  
PR: Question, tell me what you think about this, keep on talking and you'll taste my fist! You better shut up cuz you're making me pissed…and when you're all bloody I'll be in bliss!  
  
Utena: How do you like these cookies that I brought? Take a taste, I swear that they're not bought! You're welcome to have all that you want! It's just one of many things I have to flau-ah-aunt! (smiles and waves shyly at what she had implied)  
  
Nak: I want his booty!  
  
Everyone in piccolo inc. in surprisingly good harmony: I want it!  
  
Nak: It is so sexy!  
  
Everyone: I want it!  
  
Nak: It'd make me happy!  
  
Everyone: I want it!  
  
Nak: But I need the KEY! I WANT IT!  
  
Sherri: The cloths he's wearin'  
  
Everyone: I want him!  
  
Sherri: I'll soon be strip'n!  
  
Everyone: I want him!  
  
Sherri: And soon be hiding!  
  
When I get the key…WHEN I GET THE KEY!  
  
(All the girls are dancing like Destiny's Child while Piccolo sits there on the ground with a dazed look on his face)  
  
Piccolo: '……' (sweat-drop)  
  
(Sabrina grabs the microphone that materialized out of thin air '?!' , and starts singing loudly to pump up the crowd that suddenly appeared '!?!?!?')  
  
Sab: All you women, sick of white men!  
  
Utena and Mia back to back and swaying: why not try some green skin!  
  
Sab: All you honey's, need the yummy's!  
  
Mia and Utena: why not try some green ski-in!  
  
Sab: All you addicts, need the Nameks!  
  
Hmm…wonder who?: Why not try some green skin!  
  
Sab: All ya ladies, do you feel me?  
  
Gotta get the namek!!!  
  
Mia takes a deep breath, ready to sing her solo…  
  
Hana: SHUT UP! THAT'S ENOUGH!  
  
Piccolo: 'twitch twitch' damn…  
  
Hana calms down and yanks piccolo behind her.  
  
Demon Lover and Desert Dweller clapped enthusiasticly, crying, "Enchore! Enchore! Do the Pamprin one!"  
  
Piccolo Raper eyed Hana like a snake it's prey and smirked. "What crawled up her but and died?"  
  
An unattractive vien popped out of the back of Hana's head as she turned, her face burning red with anger. "Luckily not you!"  
  
A fight, of course, followed.  
  
. . . . . . . . . .  
  
In the catacombs…  
  
Hana and Raper are both panting and covered with big white bandages. Hana's getting a begrudged piggy back from Piccolo, Rapers' grumbling something about needing Jack Daniels, and the rest are crowded around them.  
  
Utena sighed and wiped sweat off of her forehead, her school uniform dirty from trudging the catacombs.  
  
"Are we simply going to wander until the spirit of Stupidity shows itself?" She asked, trying to hide her exhaustion from searching.  
  
Mia bent over and began to piggy back her friend so she could rest.  
  
"I don't know. But that thing might know where the key went." Hana replied, pausing a moment to catch her hold on Piccolos heavy cape. "We've been wandering for hours…it's time for a break."  
  
Piccolo happily plopped her down as the others sat and moaned about how tired they were.  
  
Mia inhaled and began to sing a song to calm her nerves. "I am slowly going crazy! 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch! Crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch and I am slowly going crazy! 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch! Crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch and I am slowly going crazy! 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch! Crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch and…"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Everyone demanded in unison.  
  
Then…the dark cloaked figure appeared.  
  
Mia and Utena gasped and clasped onto Piccolo's arms like they did before, and Hana jumped behind him.  
  
Desert dweller, Sherri, Sabrina, Piccolo Raper, Piccolo lover, and Nak (hope I didn't forget anyone) all stared in wonder.  
  
Sabrina gulped and heard her breath shudder as she asked, "This is…the spirit of stupidity?"  
  
Piccolo Raper laughed, "You bet! It has to be stupid to think it can scare us away like those other pansies!" She withdrew a knife from the front of her tight leather pants and crouched battle ready. "So…why are you here…before I pluck your liver from your middle and shove it down your throat!"  
  
The strange creature slowly moved forward, a demonic chuckle echoing off the walls of the catacombs. "I simply heard the song of stupidity…and found you here…now…LEAVE! Or I shall show you the nightmare again!"  
  
The others began to tremble in their knee high boots, forgetting they were armed.  
  
Piccolo gasped! "No! Not…Yajarobi…in the pink tutu!"  
  
The creature nodded. "The same."  
  
Piccolo raper eyed him. "You seem familiar…"  
  
The hooded stranger sweat-dropped.  
  
Desert dweller nodded. "Yeah…you're right! He is familiar somehow…"  
  
Suddenly, Piccolo raper charged forward and slashed out her blade, cutting the robe, clean off the tall creepy figure…  
  
Everyone present gasped at the sight…  
  
There stood Goku, smiling sheepishly with a voice distorter in one hand…and a set of keys in the other.  
  
Hope you liked it! 


	6. Kickin' Some Saiyajin Booty

1 Last time, on Quest for the Key…  
  
Piccolo Raper eyed him. "You seem familiar…"  
  
The hooded stranger sweat-dropped.  
  
Desert Dweller nodded. "Yeah…you're right! He is familiar somehow…"  
  
Suddenly, Piccolo Raper charged forward and slashed out her blade, cutting the robe, clean off the tall creepy figure…  
  
Everyone present gasped at the sight…  
  
There stood Goku, smiling sheepishly with a voice distorter in one hand…and a set of keys in the other.  
  
*******  
  
All hell broke loose.  
  
Eight leather clad feminine bodies hurled straight at Goku, who turned deathly pale right before being swallowed in the press of bodies. A strangled scream was all he had time for. Dust was kicked up from the floor, obscuring the combatants completely. All that could be seen was the occasional hand, foot, knee, elbow or head. Above it all was Goku's hand, desperately clutching the keys.  
  
Piccolo's mouth hung open in reluctant fascination as he watched the women fight to get to the keys. "Aren't you going to try your luck?" he asked Hana, who had remained at his side.  
  
"Have you lost your mind?!?" she yelped, eyes wide at her friends' display of female aggression. "Besides, if I jumped in, you'd have to come along for the ride. Do you REALLY want in the middle of that?" Her smirk rivaled those that Vegeta was famed for.  
  
"Good point," Piccolo muttered, sweatdropping.  
  
"Besides…" Hana said thoughtfully, narrowing her eyes in an effort to get a good look at the keys Goku was struggling to keep possession of. "Those keys look really familiar…" Taking a deep breath, she placed her hands on her hips and let out a bellow worthy of ChiChi herself. "STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!!!"  
  
The free-for-all in the middle of the corridor came to an immediate halt, combatants locked in mid-blow. NaK and PR were grasping each others' throats, teeth bared in feral snarls. Sabrina had Desert Dweller down on the floor, straddling her back. Mia was wrapped around one of Goku's thick legs and was attempting to climb upward. Sherri and Demon Lover were in headlocks, struggling for control. Utena was dangling from Goku's raised arm, both hands digging into his beefy bicep.  
  
"Ooh…" Utena said, dropping from Goku's arm. "The Voice…"  
  
Sab gave Hana a sly wink and stood up, offering a hand to Desert Dweller and pulling her to her feet. The Voice was a technique that only an elite group of specially trained women could pull off, namely those with children.  
  
Goku shuddered as Hana walked up to him, giving him a cross glare. She held out her hand, waiting, eyes never leaving his. Goku's dark head bowed sheepishly and surrendered the keys to Hana.  
  
"Now just a freakin' minute!!" PR said, incensed. "What is this shit?!?!"  
  
"She's scary as ChiChi," Goku muttered, hiding behind Mia.  
  
Hana held up the keys, looking at them closely. NaK made a swipe for them but Hana pulled them away quickly. "These are MY keys!" Hana said, letting out an angry growl. "Look, this is my Piccolo keychain!" She then began sorting through the keys on the ring. "This is the key to my room. And this key unlocks my gun cabinet. And this one…" Everyone leaned forward with baited breath, anticipating an end to their quest at last. "This is the key to my beloved '66 Mustang…" She sighed happily at the thought of her car. Everyone facefaulted.  
  
"So, where's the key to the handcuffs?" Sherri asked, pushing back up to her feet.  
  
Hana blinked. "I don't know. I don't keep stuff like that on my keychain." Her face darkened as she thought of something. "How did Goku get my keys in the first place?" All eyes turned to the Saiyajin warrior.  
  
Goku laughed nervously, scratching at his head. "Would you believe, I found them lying on the ground outside?"  
  
"No," Hana snapped. "I wouldn't, because this is my SPARE set of keys and I keep them in my underwear drawer in my bedroom!"  
  
"Eeeeww!!" PR said, miming gagging. "Too much information, Hana!" The others nodded in agreement.  
  
Hana's face, pale to begin with, turned even more white. "Wait a minute. You've been in my bedroom. In my dresser. Pawing through my lingerie???"  
  
"Is it hot in here or is it just me?" Goku asked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a scrap of black material and daubing at his damp forehead.  
  
"Give me that, you brain dead idiot!" Piccolo snapped, snatching the item out of Goku's limp fingers. It unfurled from his fingertips to reveal itself as a pair of black silk high cut panties. His mouth fell open and a purplish tinge colored his high cheekbones. He quickly stuffed the offending article of clothing into his pocket.  
  
"Those—are—my—panties!!!" Hana stammered, a disturbing gleam coming into her eyes. She was trembling from head to toe, hands opening and closing.  
  
"Uh-oh…" Sab muttered, taking a few slow steps away from Goku. "She's blown a synapse." Utena and Mia clung to each other in terror, eyes glued on their fellow writer.  
  
Sherri leaned over to NaK and whispered. "Bet you ten bucks she kicks Goku's ass."  
  
"No way," NaK said, shaking her head. "Goku's a level 3 Super Saiyajin. He can take her."  
  
"I don't know," Demon Lover said, eyeing Hana's red face. "She sure looks ticked!"  
  
"ECHII!!!" Hana bellowed, launching herself at a petrified Goku. Piccolo let out a yelp as he was dragged along. Goku was apologizing at the top of his lungs, running in place as she landed on him. "Rassin' frassin' no good perverted man!" The stream of creative invectives had the reluctant audience enthralled.  
  
"That's a good one," PR mumbled, pulling a small notebook and a pen out of nowhere and jotting down a few of her favorites. Utena and Mia had their hands over their ears, trying not to listen. Sab was leaning against the wall, tears streaming from her eyes as she bellowed with laughter. Sherri and NaK were snickering like a pair of hyenas, arms around each others shoulders.  
  
Desert Dweller looked over at Demon Lover. "What have we gotten ourselves into?!" she asked in a worried tone of voice. "These people are insane!"  
  
"Yeah," Demon Lover said, watching the brawl. "But it's kinda fun."  
  
Piccolo couldn't help but to grin as Hana laid into Goku. The Saiyajin warrior yelped and covered his head as she pummeled him mercilessly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he shrieked again and again.  
  
PR fell to the floor, giggling hysterically. "Goku sounds like a lil' bitch!!"  
  
Utena whimpered slightly, chewing on her knuckle as she watched Hana beat on Goku. "Hana-okaa-san's scary…" Mia nodded in agreement.  
  
Piccolo sighed, seeing it was up to him to control the crowd. "Okay, Hana, enough. I think he's got the point." He wrapped his free arm around her waist, ignoring her struggles to get loose. He raised his voice slightly, addressing the others. "It's obvious that the keys aren't down here. Let's go back up top and think this over." He sweatdropped slightly at the rapt faces staring at him.  
  
"What about Perv Boy here?" NaK asked, nudging the prone Goku with a toe.  
  
Piccolo frowned, slightly, earning a sigh from Sab and Sherri. "Well, hell, I guess we can't leave him here." Hana started struggling again, and Piccolo tossed her over his shoulder.  
  
"Lucky hag…" PR muttered, Desert Dweller and Demon Lover nodding in agreement.  
  
"C'mon, Goku," Mia said, pulling the dazed warrior to his feet. "Utena and I'll help you upstairs."  
  
"I say we let Sab and PR have him," Hana muttered crossly, glaring at him. "Let them toss him into the Dungeon for about a month."  
  
Goku gave her a blank look. "I guess I shouldn't mention the pictures then, huh?" he asked no-one in particular.  
  
Piccolo and Hana stiffened. "Pictures?" Piccolo asked, a deep growl in his voice. "What pictures?"  
  
Goku looked even blanker. "Did I say that out loud??" he wondered. Mia and Utena eased away from him, sensing that the shit was about to hit the fan. And they didn't want to be caught in the splatter radius.  
  
What could Goku possibly have pictures of? Why did Hana and Piccolo look so upset? Will Goku get his ass kicked again? Tune in next time for the next exciting chapter of "Quest for the Key"!! 


	7. No Pictures, Please.

1 Quest For the Key  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Chapter Author: Aino Utena.  
  
  
  
(All righty folks. What happened last time on Quest? Son Gokou was revealed to be the Spirit of Stupidity and all of the Piccolo Inc( ladies attacked him for it. Hana found out that he had stolen her panties and the keys to her car and thus became mad. Things with our silly little Saiyajin seemed to tone down a bit until there was a mention of…pictures?! WHAT?!?!)  
  
  
  
Everyone gawked at Son Gokou, each with his or her own expression. Many looked pissed, others looked fearful, and some just stared at the no- longer cloaked Saiyajin with completely blank expressions.  
  
"What…pictures?" Hana asked through clenched teeth, her voice coming out in a growl.  
  
"Pictures? I didn't say pictured…hehehe…" Gokou chuckled nervously, flashing everyone the sort of grin you would normally see him give a frying pan wielding ChiChi.  
  
"Then what the hell do you call what you are holding in your hand?" Sabrina asked with her teeth bared, pointing to the large number of photos Gokou held in his hand.  
  
"These?" Gokou asked, looking down at the photos before hiding them behind his back. "These are nothing. It's not what you think…"  
  
Everyone, even our favorite Namekseijin, glared at Gokou. Raper especially didn't seem to be buying it. While the raven-haired man stood before them, chuckling madly and not paying attention to her, Raper lunged at him, managing to knock him over and steal the photos in a move that can only be described as impressive.  
  
"Let me see those," Pikoro said, taking the photos from Raper.  
  
Gokou tried desperately to get them back from him, but could not because Raper and Nak were keeping him at bay with many a sharp object. The other girls stood around Pikoro, waiting for him to tell them what he saw. His eyes widened for a second before returning quickly to normal as he viewed the first photo. He read off what he saw in a rather amused, if not a little mad, sort of voice.  
  
"Okay. First picture, Hana washing her car in a bikini."  
  
"WHAT!!!!!!!" Hana's eyes widened three sizes.  
  
"Second picture," Pikoro said, deciding to ignore all of their reactions. "Raper undressing."  
  
Gokou gulped as Raper placed a dagger close to his throat.  
  
"Third picture, Sabrina sleeping in her underwear."  
  
Sabrina roared and pulled at her hair, her eyes becoming red.  
  
"Fourth picture, Nak unsnapping her bra."  
  
Nak began kicking Gokou in many places that you could be sure were very sensitive.  
  
"Fifth picture, Utena in the shower."  
  
Utena covered her mouth with her hand, looking down at the ground as she blushed furiously.  
  
"Sixth picture, Mia stepping out of a bubble bath."  
  
Mia chuckled nervously as she glared at Gokou for a long while.  
  
"Seventh picture…"  
  
"Okay. No more. I don't even want to know," Sherri said, placing her hand on Pikoro's shoulder. "Now, I say that we do a little butt kicking. What do you say ladies?"  
  
"KILL THE MONKEY!!!!!!" Raper shouted, dagger raised as she and the others pummeled Gokou, who eeped as he was sent to the ground.  
  
Only a few left Gokou alone as the others beat Gokou to a bloody pulp. Mia watched with wide eyes, while Utena simply stood beside her with a hand clasped over her mouth. Both were still blushing from embarrassment. Hana was struggling madly, shouting and cursing, because Pikoro, who did not want to be jerked around, held her at bay by her handcuffed wrist.  
  
"All right. I think he's had enough everyone," Desert Dweller said and they all pulled back, displaying a bruised and sore Son family member.  
  
"Hi mommy…Can I have a cookie?" Gokou muttered as his head bobbed and his eyes lightly crossed.  
  
"Why don't we all go back upstairs and figure out what to do next?" Sherri suggested and all nodded in agreement.  
  
"What do we do about monkey boy?" Nak asked, pointing a thumb in Gokou's direction.  
  
"We might as well take him with us. There's no point in leaving him here," Hana muttered, still glaring at the Saiyajin.  
  
Everyone nodded in agreement. Mia and Utena helped Gokou to his feet and assisted him in walking as everyone headed back up to the Piccolo Inc( building.  
  
* * * * *  
  
  
  
"Thanks a lot. These are good," Gokou said, grinning as he stuffed his mouth with cookies.  
  
"You're welcome. I'm glad I made enough for everyone," Utena said, smiling as she handed him a cold compress for the lump on top of his head.  
  
"You do know that you're in big trouble with us right now, buddy?" Dessert Dweller remarked, frowning over at Gokou.  
  
"Yeah. I know. I can't really explain what my problem is. I guess I needed new pictures for my hentai album. Beside that point I am sorry. I'd like to try and help you guys find those keys if it would be a way to make up for all of the trouble I've caused."  
  
"It'll take a long time for you to ever make up for it, Gokou, but we could us the help," Mia said, munching on a cookie.  
  
"I just wonder if we'll ever find the damned things." Pikoro grumbled bitterly, eyeing the cookie he was holding questioningly.  
  
"Come on, Pic. Give it a try," Raper said with a grin, before shoving the cookie in to Pikoro's mouth.  
  
Raper cackled as he nearly choked on it and began to shove more in to his mouth. Hana was jolted around as the two scuffled. Everyone watched them for a moment before returning back to their food and beverages.  
  
"I just wonder if there is anything else we can do," Sabrina said silently.  
  
"No kidding. Searching has gotten us no where so far," Sherri said in agreement.  
  
"Well, I have an idea," Gokou said with a mouthful of cookies. " Why don't I call Bulma? I can ask her to come here from Capsule Corp. and while she is one her way we can search some more. When she gets here, she might be able to figure out how to get those handcuffs off."  
  
"Wow. He can be intelligent," Raper said, blinking at him a bit.  
  
"You go do that, Gokou. All I want is out of these handcuffs," Pikoro said with chocolate all around his mouth.  
  
Gokou nodded and headed off to the kitchen to use the telephone. Utena handed Pikoro a bottled water, which he chugged vigorously to get the taste of chocolate out of his dry throat. Moments later, Gokou walked back in to the room, grinning his typical grin.  
  
"What did she say?" Desert Dweller asked hopefully.  
  
"She said that she can come tomorrow afternoon or so, maybe in the morning. That's probably a good thing since it's getting kinda late."  
  
"He's right," Hana said, looking at a clock. " Come on, everyone. Let's head off to bed. Mia, show Gokou where the guest room is please."  
  
Everyone nodded and stood up, heading off to their individual rooms. Pikoro grumbled along the way.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"You know, it's really hard to sleep with these on," Hana muttered, twisting her wrist uncomfortably.  
  
"It's also hard to sleep when you keep talking," Pikoro growled from his side of the bed, his arms folded across his chest.  
  
Hana stuck her tounge out at him and the silence once again resumed. Normally, Hana would have thought that sleeping in the same bed as Pikoro would have been a nice thing, but in this case it really wasn't. If only the handcuffs weren't there…. Then things would be nice…. Excluding Pikoro's attitude. The two began to fall asleep, their eyes drooping slowly. Suddenly, there was a silent knock on Hana's door.  
  
"Ugh! What now..." Hana muttered. "Come in!"  
  
The door opened and the top of a blond head poked in tentively. Utena gave Hana and Pikoro an apologetic smile. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her.  
  
"I'm sorry to bother you both, but…uhm…Can I please sleep in here tonight, Hana-san? Pikoro-san? I would have asked Sherri-san, but she had her door locked."  
  
"Sorry Pic. I guess you'll have to deal. Come on, Kid." Hana said with an understanding, if not lightly disappointed, smile.  
  
Utena bowed in thanks and crawled under the covers, luckily taking up little space. Everyone situated himself or herself. Quiet once again fell and the three began to drift in to a deep slumber.  
  
"You really thought you were going to sleep without me in here, didn't you?" Everyone looked up to see Raper standing beside the bed. "You're going to let me sleep in here too, right?" She gave them a mock puppy dog face.  
  
"All right. Hop in," Hana said with a sigh.  
  
Raper grinned and jumped in to the bed, causing the mattress to jolt a little bit. She situated herself comfortably, using Pikoro as her pillow.  
  
"She didn't literally mean hop!" Pikoro snarled, only gaining a grin from Raper.  
  
"What next?" Hana grumbled.  
  
"Us!" Before anyone knew it Sherri an Mia had slid in to the bed as well, smiling happily.  
  
"Oh God!"  
  
Moments later every lady of Piccolo Inc( had snuck in to Hana's room and situated themselves on the bed. Gokou also managed to find his way there, much to many of the others' dismay, and he too crawled on to the bed. After several minutes everyone settled, got comfortable, and fell asleep on Hana's big, comfy bed. The only person who was not snug or sleepy was one Namekseijin who stared unhappily up at the ceiling, trying his best to dismiss Gokou's snores. He prayed that Bulma could free him from those damned handcuffs.  
  
(Well, what did you think? What it funny or did it suck? Thanks for reading and please review. Stay tuned and find out what happens next time. Bye!) 


End file.
